Ze Moo of David
by Seigi no Shoujo
Summary: What dubbed Slayers does to your brain! Note: Contains dub bashing, inside jokes, Planeteers wannabes, and fifty-foot cows. ^_- Read at your own risk


Ze Moo of David -- A screwed up radio play script brought to you by the Seigi no Shoujo. ^_^ If you like dubbed Slayers, please don't read this. If you feel like flaming me, go ahead, my email address is KristySSL@AOL.com. But I'll probably laugh at you, because you can't take a simple joke. Now! ON WITH THE PLAY!  
  
----  
  
Narrator: In the city of Rolla, a small anime club resides. The members of this club are holding their weekly meeting, with their schedule set to watch Slayers Next: The Sudden Pinch, dubbed. The horror.  
  
Ashley: So, the tape is dubbed, right? (angry)  
  
Kristy: How could you buy a DUBBED tape?! (POed!) It has DAVID MOO in it, dontcha know! God, Kayleigh!  
  
Ashley: Yeah! (Hmph)   
  
Kayleigh: I'm sorry. (Whine) That's all they had.  
  
Ashley and Kristy: SO?!?!  
  
Kayleigh: Let's just watch it. (sigh)   
  
Ashley: (darkly) Haven't you heard the legend of David Moo and the MOOzoku??  
  
Kayleigh: (a bit startled, as if hiding something, but tries to cover it with fear) MOO...zoku? Are you on crack again, Ashley?  
  
Kristy: (evil) It's an underground conspiracy, ya know!  
  
Ashley: Mm-hmm. The evil David Moo, he makes sure that we can only get the Slayers dub. His voice is nasalish for a reason.  
  
Kristy: Yeah! It sends hypnotic waves into your brains to make you a MOOzoku, no da!  
  
Kayleigh: (gulp) Oh.. really? Well, I should go! My mom wants me home soon. Bye guys!  
  
Kristy: Erm.. Bye?  
  
Ashley: (attention back at the TV) Have you heard anything from the planet yet about the move of the MOOzoku, Kristy-chan?  
  
Kristy: No. We need to find the third ring holder.  
  
Ashley: (sigh) Oh yeah. We do need that third person so we can summon Akira Ishida.  
  
Kristy: We should hurry. (solomenly) The MOOzoku could attack any day.  
  
Ashley: Let's watch a subbed tape, 'kay? (cheerfully)  
  
Kristy: Yeah! Before our brains are turned to tapioca from this crap, ya know?  
  
Narrator: In an pasture out in the country, David Moo stood upon a hay bail, thousands of young anime fans with small horns poking out of their heads were dazedly listening to his talks. Behind them, cows munched mindlessly... What's going on?  
  
David Moo: MOOOOOOO!  
  
MOOzoku: MOOOO!!  
  
David Moo: Before we MOOve on, we need to find the Xellateers and destroy them. *MOO*  
  
MOOzoku: MOOO!   
  
Kayleigh: I can lead you to two of them, Lord Moo.  
  
David Moo: (moo) Not yet. We must get rid of the canidates for the third. *moo* I'll make my move tonight.  
  
Narrator: That evening, a young girl sat at home watching Slayers Next: Secret of the Giga Slave subtitled.  
  
Girl 1: (giggles) Oh Xelloss, you're so dreamy!  
  
David Moo: (MOOOOO!)  
  
Girl 1: Huh?! What was that?! (scared) Is that you, Scott??   
  
David Moo: (moo)  
  
Girl 1: (Whimper) It must be my imagination.  
  
David Moo; (bursting through the window) MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Girl 1: (Screams) WHO ARE YOU?!  
  
David Moo: (MOO!!) THAT IS A SECRET!  
  
Girl 1: (Scream) THE HORROR!  
  
David Moo: I'll kill you with my own hands, MOO!  
  
Girl 1: (In shock) No.. It can't be... DAVID MOO!  
  
David Moo: (evil moo)   
  
Girl 1: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Narrator: All through the night, these horrid attacks continued. Every girl was destroyed by sheer horror. The next day, Kristy and Ashley sat outside and watched for the new student at their highschool to walk by on her usual route home from school.  
  
Ashley: (cheerfully) Hey! You're the new girl right? You like anime, dontcha?  
  
Mandy: Y..Yeah.   
  
Kristy: Do you happen to like subtitled Slayers?   
  
Mandy: Yeah! I LOVE Akira Ishida!  
  
Narrator: With those words, a ring glimmered and appeared on the girl's finger.  
  
Mandy: h..Huh?! (confused)  
  
Kristy: Welcome to the Xellateers. Will you help us?  
  
Mandy: Help you do what?  
  
Ashley: Defeat the MOOzoku!  
  
Mandy: Sure! (Giggle) My name's Mandy!  
  
Kayleigh: (moo) So you found the third one.  
  
Kristy: Kayleigh?! You.. You know? (stunned)  
  
Kayleigh: Well DUH! You don't look any different in your Xellateer form except for you're wearing a cape and fancy boots, moooo!  
  
Ashley: (giggles nervously)  
  
Mandy: She has horns on her head!  
  
Kristy: Oh my gosh! Those are horns!  
  
Ashley: They're horns, all right.  
  
Kayleigh: THE AUDIENCE GETS THE DAMN PICTURE! MOOOOOO!  
  
Kristy: Be nice, you.. YOU MOOZOKU!  
  
Kayleigh: Mooooo.. I guess I'll call David Moo now. Ever since he destroyed the Xelloss fans of this city, moooo, he's grown fifty feet tall! MOOO!  
  
David Moo: (MOOO) That's right!!  
  
Narrator: David Moo had become.. a fifty foot cow! What will we do?! The girls MUST summon Akira Ishida!  
  
Kristy: We have to do it!  
  
Mandy: But.. erm.. I don't even understand the plot of this story.  
  
Ashley: (sweatdrop) What plot? This is just some Anti-Dub Slayers fan typing some crap down.   
  
Mandy: Good point.  
  
Kristy: ANYWAYS!  
  
Ashley: Let's go!  
  
Kristy: PURPLE!  
  
Ashley: FRUITY!  
  
Mandy: PRIEST!  
  
Kristy, Ashley, Mandy: SEIYUU!!!  
  
Narrator: In a blinding flash of purple light, the girls became the Xellateers. Then, a fifty-foot Japanese man with a goofy smile appeared.  
  
Akira Ishida: With your powers combined, I am, ISHIDA AKIRA!  
  
David Moo: MOOO! You will never stop me! MOOOO!!!!  
  
Akira Ishida: Come on! Let's go! Zettai daijobu! You okay? Kitto daijobu! (singing But But But)  
  
David Moo: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  
  
Akira Ishida: Oya oya!!  
  
Mandy: Ishida-sensei needs our help!  
  
Ashley and Kristy: RIGHT!  
  
Narrator: The three girls dropped to their knees and prayed, cherry blossom petals flying all around as they glowed in their respective colors.  
  
All three: We give you our strength, Akira Ishida. (praying)  
  
David Moo: (sneezes) I'm allergic.. to cherries.. Mooooo...  
  
Akira Ishida: (annoyed) Who's playing with the cherry blossoms again?!  
  
Narrator: And somewhere.. a guy whistled and walked away.  
  
Akira Ishida: Now.. where was I? Um.. Does someone have a script?  
  
David Moo: Mooo.. You're about to do the dramatic ending of the battle.  
  
Akira Ishida: AH! SOU SOU!  
  
Narrator: With a mighty jab of a Xelloss staff, the cow began to fade.  
  
David Moo: (weakly) Moo.. Who.. moo.. are you?  
  
Akira Ishida: Sore wa, himitsu desu.  
  
David Moo: NOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
All three girls: You saved us!  
  
Akira Ishida: Remember girls! The power is YOUR'S!  
  
Narrator: With that, Akira Ishida faded away. The end. Now.. could someone PLEASE get me a diet soda?! 


End file.
